well, here goes nothing.
today, I am dealing with a couple of things. I am attempting to work on an online class that I was supposed to finish a month ago and have been doing since last summer (unsuccessfully, I might add; I made this stupid blog instead), talking to a boy who will be known as “J” for the duration of this blog, and worrying about a girl who I’ll refer to as “L.”
J loves me, and I love him too. this sounds like a lovely situation and it would be–we’re both nerds who love to write and literally have almost everything in common–but he lives literally one thousand miles away from where I live. seeing as I’ve already got a bit of long-distance relationship experience under my belt and know from that that I should NEVER be in one again, this situation is much more complicated than I’d like. I need contact, hand-holding, cuddling, kissing… I’m a virgin so it’s clearly not the sex I need, but still… none of these things can I get from J.
and then there’s L. I actually decided to make this blog because of her, because she runs something similar. her predicament is different than mine… but she is still lonely as I am. and I’m worried about her. she’s put up some disconcerting posts of late, and I hope dearly that she’ll be okay.
that brings me to a new and interesting topic to ponder, something that I jumped headlong into yesterday without really knowing what I was getting into and now seems more than a little strange.
L is a submissive, and we were talking about her attitude towards sex when I became overpowered by a sudden and unexpected urge to create a handmade leather collar for her to wear during her sexual escapades. she seemed convinced that it was my inner dominant behavior exerting itself, but I’m not so sure. it didn’t feel like a sexual urge, and I rarely have the instinct to dominate someone in that way–in fact, I’m pretty convinced that I would best be described as a switch. now, I fully accept that I may be wrong, due to the fact that I’ve never even experienced vanilla sex, let alone anything kinky. the feelings that I have regarding making her collar are really quite confusing.
beyond all of that I have some very controlling parents and though I’d like to participate in activities such as attending rocky horror with L and dressing to the theme of the night which is fetishes (of course we’d be playing up dom/sub outfits), my mother and stepfather would never let me out of the house…
so I have all these situations, and no clue how to solve any of them… updates on these scenarios will come as I manage them in reality. ♥