why even ask?

here’s something that’s kind of funny:

if you’ve ever experienced depression, you probably know what it’s like to constantly be asked by everyone if there’s something wrong, and if you want to talk about it. usually, when people ask me, I just say no and move on… actually talking about my depressive bouts while I’m in them usually just serves to make me more emotional and make it less likely to pass.

but on occasion, I’ll slip up, and I’ll tell someone a little something about how I’m feeling or what’s going on.

isn’t it funny that once you tell them, you almost always realize that they didn’t actually want to know in the first place? the conversation becomes awkward, and they look at you with this irritating look of pity but have no idea what to say to you, and you can tell that some part of them regrets asking. and maybe they regret it because they didn’t really care and thought you’d just turn them down, or maybe it’s something more optimistic and benign like they wanted to help but don’t actually have any clue what to do or say to someone who’s depressed.

either way, sometimes I wonder why people even ask. sometimes it’s even hard to talk to loved ones and friends about it, because you just end up feeling like you’re driving them away by being so… depressing.

I find that I have to be careful who I talk to about it – it pretty much has to be limited to either someone I know for certain won’t leave because of it (usually a parent, sometimes a significant other or best friend but then again, in my experience, that isn’t always reliable) or just people I don’t know on the internet where I can remain anonymous and only people who actually give a shit will bother to read it. like this.

and maybe I’m not a great person for saying this instead of saying that “you should just trust your friends and family to help you out, because there they’re for you,” but there’s something about that which seems a bit disingenuous to me, so I won’t.

still, if you happen to be in my position, try to find those people who you can talk to no matter what. or, at least, I guess you can post something anonymous on the internet, or even talk to me. beauty of the internet is I’ll probably never meet you and can at least relate to your circumstances, and I’m not someone with any risk involved.

or, get a therapist. if that kind of thing works for you.

anyway, I just thought it was kind of funny. ♥

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