it creeps

maybe this is a depression or anxiety thing, or maybe it’s not. I’m not exactly an expert on this… but here, have some angsty self-deprecating poetry from today

 

it creeps
seeping in around the edges and
corrupting every thought
every menial detail
all the things you know as fact
they change
they twist
they start popping up error codes in your head
and the worst part is that you know
you know it’s creeping in,
looming from those places
that you like to pretend are empty
it infects your joy
it infects your courage and your trust
it poisons your relationships
and it seeds doubt in otherwise flowering gardens
insidious vines reaching up
wrapping around your positivity
and choking it out
until it withers and blackens.
you can’t stop it
no matter how aware of it you are
no matter how well you know that you’re
just being melodramatic
it reaffirms everything that the
creeping feeling whispers into your
darkening spaces
you’re pushing people away
and worse
you feel like that’s what you should be doing
and nothing anyone says changes it
because the creeping is too loud
the creeping is too present
and ultimately
you never want to be alone
but you feel as if you deserve it.
the creeping doesn’t make for very good company. ♥

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